The Mighty Mekong

12.27-12.28.09

It was supposed to be a simple trip down the Mekong River. Two days of relaxing on a slow boat as it meandered through the jungles and hills of the Northern Laos countryside. But why should anything be simple. To say we have had an interesting past week would be an understatement and to think that that would change any time soon would be silly.

The journey started simply enough. We popped our little yellow pills, boarded a minivan to Chiang Mai and then transferred onto a bus heading east to the border town of Chiang Khong. Along the way another young couple boarded the minivan. Mika, with her super Spidey hearing, overheard the couple discussing New Paltz, NY and then mention Katz’s Deli! We quickly began talking and discovered a Jewish couple from Boston who had recently moved from New York– who would have thought! The journey, however, doesn’t get interesting until the next day.

After arriving at 1:30am we woke at 7:30 so we could give our passports to the guide company to get our Thai exit stamp. For the nominal fee of 100 Baht ($3 USD) they would take care of it. Oh, and some guys brother would be there at 8am to exchange Thai Baht for USD because it was cheaper to use USD rather than the Laos Kips. Of course it would. The last time we had seen USD was at JFK four months ago. Unfortunately his exchange rate was a bit higher than anything we had seen posted and of course there was an extra $1 fee because it was Sunday! Now it’s one thing to know you are getting ripped off, but it’s another thing to have it happen at 7:30 in the morning when you are half awake and unable to process conversion rates of three currencies. As it turns out, we probably overpaid by $10-20 and saved 10 minutes waiting in line. What are you going to do.

By 10am we had all our stamps and with passports back in hand we boarded a bus to go the 500 feet to a restaurant to wait for our boat. Conveniently we had to wait 2 hours for the boat. Fortunately for the owner of the restaurant, there were sandwiches and drinks available for us to enjoy. In a pre departure speech, our new Laos guide told us we should arrange for accommodations at his hotel because it was the only hotel in town and by the time our boat got in it would be full. He also explained that the village did not have electricity and only ran on a generator from 6-10pm. Well, once a mistake twice a fool (or something like that), we would not be taken twice in one morning. No Thanks buddy – we’ll take our chances.

At 12:30 our lovely guide instructed us to come down to the boat. Unfortunately, the boat was already full and its current passengers were smart enough to prevent our boarding. It’s was a simple conversation of safety vs. economics. There weren’t enough life vests for the amount of occupants they wanted to put on the boat but there weren’t enough boats for the number of occupants. At one point we discovered that there weren’t ANY life vests on the boat to begin with! Anyway, after another half an hour they were able to rustle up a new boat. The long boats that travel up and down the Mekong are of fairly basic wooden construction. About 15 feet wide and 100 feet long, they sit about 40 people each. They have a roof and the sides are open to the elements and of course adorned with colorful window shades! The captain steers from the front and there is what looks to be an old V8 providing the power in the rear. There are a couple deckhands who mainly lounge about and a woman selling snacks in the back.

We tried unsuccessfully to board the boat first and secure a seat. This didn’t happen. Instead, we found ourselves on the floor with our new friends from Boston. We had a deck of cards, 4 Beer Lao’s, and 6 hours to kill. We would be just fine!

The Mighty Mekong is a wide, silty river littered with rock outcroppings that look like they could slice the Titanic in two. Its shores are sandy and dense with jungle and the views are simply spectacular. The rolling hills are lush with vegetation and the only evidence of human existence is a small bamboo hut or village scattered in the distance. Limestone cliffs stand like guards at tributary entrances and every once in a while we pass a fisherman standing waist deep amongst the outcroppings. Even though we are a couple hundred kilometers upstream, it’s hard to imagine that this is the same river that used to be a war zone.

About 5 hours into our journey, the engine quietly stops and the boat begins to drift. The captain leaves his post at the helm and runs down the center of the boat while beginning to take off his pants. Needless to say, this created quite the scene! The boat was drifting toward one of the outcroppings and the engine was dead. It seemed the captain was going to put himself in harms way, although I’m sure he would have been torn in two if he had. One of the deckhands awoke from his stupor and somehow got the engine to start within 20 feet of the rocks. The boat, without a captain steering, ran straight ahead and marooned onto the eastern shore. Rumors about the engine being broken quickly began to surface although none of the crew spoke English so we’re not sure how that started. Regardless, within 10 minutes everything seemed to be up to the captains standards and we, meaning the passengers, pushed off and were on our way.

Within 30 minutes we were headed for the shore again. This time for good. Whatever the problem was it was not fixed and we could not continue. Amongst ourselves we concluded that it was getting too dark to go on because the boat had no lights and that there was nothing wrong with the engine – but we will never know for sure. Within 5 minutes a bus appeared at the shore along with a flat bed truck. Some negotiating ensued because they wanted the passengers to pay for the bus transportation. It was a fairly straightforward conversation. We said “no” and the crew covered the costs, however, this took the better part of half an hour. By this time it was completely dark. The driver wanted us to load our bags on the flat bed and get on the bus. We carried our bags on our laps.

The bus slowly made its way up the shore and onto what appeared to be a road. The engine whined under the load and for a while we thought we might lose the second motor of the day. The road turned from sand to packed earth to gravel. They were apparently building a road. What was funny is that they were building it at that exact moment! We quickly came upon two pieces of machinery that were leveling the gravel and shaping the road in the opposite direction we were traveling. We had to pull off to the side to let them pass only to have them create a burm right in front of us so we could not move. At one point a Swedish guy got out, and with beer in hand declared that we needed a “shoovla”. Genius! Without a “shoovla”, or a shovel, we were stuck again! 15 minutes later the leveler machine made his way back up the road and cleared the burm. We were back in business. The rest of the ride was a lot of “oohing” and “aahing” as we drove over barely passable bridges, alongside steep drop offs and over what was weeks away from becoming a recognizable road. At one point someone threw up on our Boston friend’s foot! Really - You can’t make this stuff up.

Contrary to what our guide had told us 7 hours before, the town was chock full of guesthouses. There were restaurants and street vendors and the village was full of activity. We couldn’t even hear the generators because they didn’t exist. One thing our guide said was in fact true. Because of our delay, most of the guesthouses were full or too expensive (i.e. more than $9 a night). One guesthouse offered us the floor of their restaurant for less than $2 a piece (which we gladly overpaid for) so we hunkered down with our new Boston friends. They brought in two mattresses and laid them on the floor along with sheets, pillows and blankets. There was even a TV which was playing the latest videos from MTV Laos.

We headed to dinner to recap the day and laugh at life in Laos. As we have said so many times before ….”Welcome to [insert country here]!”

We woke the next day to find the entire family staring at us, in particular our new friend Jonah. At one point the family’s eldest daughter, who couldn’t have been more that 14 told him “You are beautiful. I love you.” Talk about wasting no time.

The rest of the day was fortunately a little less eventful. More of the scenic Mekong but this time on a sea worthy vessel. We made it into Luang Prabang just before sunset with new friends and another story to tell. The journey continues….

Welcome to Laos!

-Alan